Hard Holidays

So it begins...I'm starting to feel the blues.
Christmas memories for me are of always having my Grandma with us on most Christmases . There are so many memories which include her.

This will be the first Christmas since her passing that she won't be here. I'm reminded of the little things, like baking her Ginger Snap cookies, missing the Peanut Brittle (which I'm not even going to attempt to make), playing the game Clue all day long, the socks & underwear...the listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks until our parents were about ready to throw the record away, lol...

I'm also reminded that a year ago this time she had already been diagnosed with terminal cancer and that it wasn't but a month from now I would have said my final goodbyes.

It's the little things, like not being able to call... that really chokes me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who sits at home during the day and cries. Everyone else seems to be handling it much better, either that or they hide it pretty well.

I know she'll be here in spirit though and it's those memories which help make future memories.